Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize