you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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