At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
