I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Damn victory sex feels great
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
