onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
