I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
