He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
