sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
