I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
