the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
