hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i've created a new STD.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize