Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
