a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
