I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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