The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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