i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
