how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
