My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
