just come out here and I will go home with you...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
