I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
