yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
