He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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