I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize