I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
did i just pee glitter
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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