looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
