Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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