.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
