I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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