I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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