Walk of Shame today included voting.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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