my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
