I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
