Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
