I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
