Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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