i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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