Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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