i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
