Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize