I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're like the curious george of whores
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
