he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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