Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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