Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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