Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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