Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can u get pink eye on your cock?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
