oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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