I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize