Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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