I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
