I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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