you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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