There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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