WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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