His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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