We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
