I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
