He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
