drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
