i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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