in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
