My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
