Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
