do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
