The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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